I have been with my wife for 10 happy years, but the one issue that endures is that she is never satisfied. There are moments of happiness (for example, at our marriage, at the birth of our children, when she laughs with her girlfriends). But contentment? Longer, more stable periods of positivity? Never. Purchasing shoes and clothes has not made her content (except for that initial 24-hour thrill), nor haircuts (despite heavy investment therein), nor meals (regardless of cost), nor any gift (especially if it was spontaneous). And definitely not other people’s driving. But that’s another story.
The problem is this constant striving for perfection — there’s such a fine line between getting it spot-on or plain unsatisfactory. She wants to train the children to be perfect as well, and because we have two boys, they’re not. They don’t feel the need to make a bed, for example, or be tidy.
Men are like happy dogs, women like temperamental cats. Men can find contentment. Meanwhile, my wife is constantly striving and impatient for better things that don’t make her content anyway. So much of her quest for perfection is about presentation. City living makes it worse, as there’s a lot of peer pressure. I know there are demands, and society is pretty unrealistic about some of them, but I’m finding this steady grip of discontent increasingly dispiriting. I go through phases of either keeping quiet or discussing it. I tell her that if she looks at the world, and even at this country, we’re in a very good place — as successful people, we should be content with our lot. But nothing changes.
My wife doesn’t work any more, and used to hold a senior position in the civil service. Perhaps a working life satisfies one’s needs more and keeps things in perspective; perhaps her perfectionism is a replacement for that loss of status and stimulation. But I think something even deeper is at play. Maybe it goes back to one’s school days — women overachieve at school and at work. (That's a gross exaggeration. I've known very few to overachieve at work)
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She is never satisfied?
(I hope this guy hasn't been so sheltered that he thinks this is an isolated case with women. With women filing over 70% of all divorces and poles showing women admit to cheating on their spouse at a similar rate I would say that the majority of woman are never satisfied. Haven't men been saying this for centuries now?)
-Alastair Telford wrote:
This is most definately a gender issue.
In todays world, women have more choice than ever before and some would argue that they have far too much choice.
Things such as the mobile phone play right into the hands of womens "want" to win the psychological war between the sexes. Women are successfully turning a world of yes/no into a world of possibly/maybe.
I personally find a lot of young English women excessively picky, arrogant, self-absorbed and ultimately empty.
(Alastair's seems to be describing young American women too)
-The Runaway Found wrote:
Part of the problem is that whilst men are expected to guess what a woman is thinking and react accordingly, women themselves don't actually know what they want. I have yet to meet a woman who disagrees with that theory.
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